Kiduplicate
by Nagy Bari
Summary: Crack Au (or Ua) where Kid got a mirror faced apprentice and Kaito is furious, Ran never knew Shinichi from childhood only the papers, everyone is around young adult age and everything is so random... as said: pure. crack.


" It's just as if they can disappear on thin air. Like for real!"

" Oh come one you know that stuff how come you still couldn't figure out how they do it."

" As you can see dear scumbag, I'm trying my best but it won't happen anytime soon if you annoy me to hell…"

" Woah, okay, okay, I got it, it bruised your ego way too much… Now calm down, have your instant diabetes and I'll be over the table if you have anything to say…"

Kudo Shinichi left his partner fuming next to the bar pult and sat back on his chair. Reading the morning news was just as irritating as a month before and it won't change if they cannot figure out something quickly. The old magician thief was back "Kaito Kid" as he was called with an apprentice or assistant, who knew, but one thing sure the trouble he caused now doubled. Heist becoming more flashy and impossible, more and more trick and magic show as if it was for pure amusement and not theft…

There was one more thing about the never aging thief… he looked younger than before if that was possible and a little cheekier, more mischievous, more… lively. Or maybe it was just that doubling himself unleashed his childish insanity at least.

Anyway Shinichi was stuck with the case because his idiot of a friend who happened to be a proud hobby magician himself felt his fame in danger due to the duo and their performances and without a glitch dragged him and his brain to investigate it. Honestly thievery wasn't his style, murder and serious stuff maybe, not that he admitted he was a magnet of misfortune…. So here he was balancing a pen between his upper lip and nose, waiting for Kuroba Kaito to finish his sulking and get back to actual working and all.

He could understand Kaito's anger for the thieves. Kaito Kid was the very same thief who crushed his father's magician carrier, erasing his memory. Kaito himself was a good performer as well, and he was just about to make a name for himself when the thief returned, now with a double.

Kaito slurped his triple sugared extra sweet frappuchino that was more of a hot chocolate with marshmallow than some coffee with such an angry frown a bypassing little girl started to cry because she accidentally looked at him through the window…

" Kaito… you are taking this a little…"

" What?! That he's back? You say I'm over reacting? Haaah?"

" Jeez, boy wind down a little, we are in a coffee shop not in the county…"

" Acting chill now won't solve the problem." Yet he toned himself down a little.

" So you still couldn't figure out the trick…"

" Look if can't wait till I get it you can solve it yourself, you are the almighty brainiac from the two of us."

" You insisted on figuring it out yourself."

" Just… It's maddening you know. Like how life has to repeat every single f*cking joke… I don't intend to go down without a fight. "

" And you won't, because I'm here to help. Now, here's all I could get from the database, it's not much…"

" Anything works at this point."

" These are the basics… Kaito Kid, international gem thief, usually strikes once or twice a month, always returning the jewel afterwards, always pronouncing a heist beforehand, estimated to be a middle-age man, with secret assistant and informant… now maybe they are not so secret… You know it from heart."

" There has to be something. "

" What did you say we visit the next heist?"

" We visited the last two as well."

" What if you pre-do their heist?"

" Wha- ?"

Kaito at this point looked at his friend as if he was asking him to have a pet fish.

" Who knows maybe it will click together in that strange head of yours… Or we can always ask Hakuba to help."

" No, mister, that's not even funny. The horse should remain out of this at all cost."

" You know he's the best to collect otherwise unseen evidence. Maybe a string of hair or some fingerprint will turn up if he comes."

" No means no. "

" As you wish…"

Another sulking slurping.

" You know… actually I'm pretty amused there was no one killed the last time we went to the heist."

" You were saying" Shinichi had a vein pop out on his forehead.

" You know it's true… But maybe we can use that. Let's see how the famous Kaito Kid reacts if someone is about to die."

" You know this sounds as if you plan to kill someone for real… "

" Not if the victim is one of us."

" I lost you there."

" I may have no idea how he made some tricks but I know we can pull of a murder scene without a problem and some help from here and there."

" You are planning to ask _her_ for help?" Shinichi looked at the other as if he was about to kiss a fish.

" Maybe… If we cannot solve it quick enough. But Hattori will do as well. "

" Oh… That's… surprisingly useful even from you. "

" Hey."

" So how do you plan it?"

" Why ask me? You're the murder magnet, you should know how to create one."

* * *

The next heist note arrived claiming to go for a French diamond displayed in xx museum for the time being. The whole building was crowded with spectators and fans, usually teenage girls and bored students who only came for a good laugh at the failed police attempts to catch the phantom.

Shinichi looked at his watch then quickly put down his hand realizing just how much he resembled Hakuba at the moment. The precise blonde with annoying habits (not that they didn't have any on their own) was overseas for the time being but reassured them that he was more than happy to help if needed.

Their plan wasn't less or more insane than any before, Kuroba was well known for creating reality from impossible scenarios, so right now Shinichi was rather curious how will this go. Anyway they had more than half an hour till it would start so he decided to enjoy the exhibition and learn more about diamonds and why on earth they have to put it out in a museum…

As he was inspecting a small yet delicate artwork of a bracelet he couldn't help himself overhear two young women next to him.

" And you know how elegant he is when he bows his top hat!"

" Yeah, yeah… but the other one is so strange. Like why did he even have to come? Kid was the best alone, no need for assistance!"

" Well you have to give it to him, he's just as handsome."

" But looks like a cheap copy."

" I think he's more mysterious…"

Truth be told Shinichi couldn't even imagine how on earth could these women tell one Kid from another. The apprentice or assistant or whoever it was had the same white suit and top hat as the other, their facial expression with that annoying smile and elegant yet lithe movement, that impossible flexibility, all together it was as if someone made an exact copy of Kid. For him the only thing that told them apart that only one was talking. But he wouldn't put past them that they switched it every sentence…

" You think they will show up?"

" Nah, it's not their party… I mean Aoko has some problem with crowds and flashy stuff and Ran is just… Too modest to come?"

" You maybe right. Not everyone can understand the wonder of Kid-sama!"

Shinichi felt a little annoyed at this point. What on earth could be so damn wonderful about an international thief? Okay so he may have also be a magician and an outstanding one but come on…

He looked at his watch again surprised that he still had more than ten minutes and slowly backed away from the room and the two loud women, before they give him a headache. He needed full attention and focus to fake-kill his friend.

* * *

" You okay?"

" Yeah… just… This mask is sooo sticky my face gets all itchy after I get it off."

" You can't help it, we need to be cautious."

" I know… Thanks again."

" You know it's nothing."

" You agreed to play pretend to be an international thief and help me with monthly thievery."

" Okay when you put it that way…"

" So once again, if you see anything strange or suspicious you sign to me and we leave."

" Roger."

" All set?"

" Yeah just the voice modulator… "

" Right. Then here goes nothing."

* * *

With a puff of glittering colorful smoke and all lights out the show begin. The crowd went mad when the duplicated thief greeted them having the jewel in his left – left hand, the other one standing just like a mirror image smirking at the officers and with a snap of his fingers turned their hat into flower crowns and their gun into a bouquet, then they switched places clapping their hands and suddenly flower petals rained down the room when a gunshot rang through everyone ears. The duo disappeared for a second, after that one was standing in front of a messy haired man sitting on the floor with shock written all over, the other slowly showed up his gloved hand a bullet in-between his index finger and thumb.

" It is certainly not nice to use such a violent object…" the air seemed to cool down drastically. After dropping the otherwise deadly object they disappeared once again, reappearing at the window.

" Seeing as this night wasn't mean for wonders with all due respect I bid my farewell… " with that they took down their top hat in sync and disappeared for the third and last time.

* * *

" Okay genius what was it?"

Hattori leaned against his bike waiting for the two to finally get their sh*t together after their strangely went 'murder'.

" Kid is a…" Kaito mumbled for the nth time since they left the museum. Shinichi sighed then rubbed his hand along his face then scratched his head then facepalmed then groaned then went silent then…

" I don't know… "

" Wow, that's strange I thought the same. So what happened?"

" They… caught the bullet."

" Wha-?"

" Yeah… with bare hand. Just like that… I shoot and then puff! He opened his fist revealing the bullet."

" That's insane… Impossible."

" And seems like Kuroba is in some trance or what…"

" Yeah I can see, he's chanting something."

" Kid is… "

" Okay, spit it out, what is Kid?"

Kaito closed his eyes, took one huge deep breath and let it out painfully slowly."

" A woman."

Hattori and Shinichi looked at each other then back at their idiot friend.

" Not funny."

" You need to come up with something better than this. "

" She was right in front of me, I could see all her body structure and believe me I've seen a woman in man's pants and that's exactly how it looks like…"

" So you are basically claiming that you know because you checked his rare… Whoah never thought you will admit this way."

" Guys! I'm serious."

" Maybe that was the assistant. You would never know why there's two of them, and you know how only one talks."

" Well it's logical that Kid would have some fine figure for an assistant…"

" With a male face."

" Hey you shouldn't judge, he's a man with needs… "

" Okay, okay! I get it you don't believe me! I can't prove it, you think it's stupid, moving on… How on earth did they catch that bullet."

" Kuroba… that would be my question for you."

The three young man stood speechless before they muttered in union "sh*t"

* * *

Changing back to their civil clothes, the two young female looked at each other.

" Remember how I said that if you see any dangerous stuff we leave?"

" I know but it was on instinct, I couldn't help."

" So…. You have an instinct to catch random bullets midair?"

" Aoko… "

" I was just curious."

" Maybe, maybe not… Anyway you were the one jumping with me as well so I don't think it's that bad…"

" Yeah… But you know it's strange… I mean that was way too random. I expected something else. "

" Like?"

" I don't know… something more organized."

Silence sat between the two.

" You still think it has something to do with those shady figures. "

" They did kill my father…"

" But he was investigating something entirely different."

" Not quite. Those were also after gems like Kid, sometimes after the same gem as Kid. I think they crossed roads more than once."

" Maybe… But I don't intent to do so let's be happy that it was just a random bullet…"

Again the heavy silence.

" You realize there's no such thing as random bullet, Ran."

" Yeah… "

" Did you see the shooter?"

" Not quite. They were in the dark… Any idea?"

" Get some sleep. Like, right away…"

" Yeah I guess we deserve it."

* * *

The slim stoic woman crossed her arms balancing her coffee cup in one hand while leaning to the doorframe.

" Shall I remind you how sure you all were about this one or the morning news did it for you?"

" Haibara, you can do a favor…"

" If you wish to blackmail threaten me to a date you are more desperate than I thought."

" You know what idiot would be ever happy to love you."

" Technically lust would be the better word to use."

" You wish. Personality kills every fantasy."

For a half moment the men didn't even notice the sudden silence.

" Just to clear my point, I never wanted to know that much information about your private time…" Shiho cold plus nerve wrecking slow sentence put the cherry on top of their sh*tful situation.

" Okay guys, if you will just flirt all day long I demand my money back. Trains don't work with charity and soap opera reasons."

" Cool down Hattori, at least there's no horrible dub and misspelled subtitles."

" Kuroba did you found out anything?" Shinichi cut short the possibility of an answer.

" Glad you ask. But this time I insist on the help of the ever so wonderful Shiho-chan." The prankster now back in the game after the fifth sugar shot and no sleep at all grinned at the only lady with mock affection in his eyes and tone.

" Kudo your face looks disgusting with that expression."

" What did you come up with?" Shinichi inhaled and possibly gulped down his irritation.

" I'll prove to you that this second generation Kid is a woman. Or at least one of them. "

" Again? Come on man, if I wanted to know that I'd just call that horse face. Yes! Even me!" It was still unclear matter of why couldn't Hakuba just get on the good side of the ''lively' part of the gang.

" But where the hell's the fun in that?!" now Kaito made a face as if they just killed his favorite pigeon with a plastic knife.

" Kaito we are not in the fun for this! You were the one who practically begged me to help and fast cause there's no time to waste. If you want to prove the gender of that thief first of all you would need some connection with them in real life!" Shinichi could feel his blood pumping on his forehead and it was never a good sign. But what did he hope for with his so called friends ganging together to solve an international problem their rightfulness justified with family heritage and boredom.

" For some reason I still cannot see where could I help I this matter…"

" Glad you asked! You would play the desperate fangirl in the first act but for the second a final act we would replace you."

Hattori had to admit that the blank expression Shiho could hold up while they surrounded and practically took over her flat was something to appreciate and may be noted for danger.

" In which diaper of yours did you dream that?"

Then again this stoic woman was almost as horrible as them when she felt funny.

" Dunno, you never told him to change them."

As Kaito casually answered pointing to Shinichi at the same time Hattori could read the morning news of the next day: famous murder magnet detective found strangling himself without a mirror.

But action never took place. They were detectives (and magicians) they worked in the world of ideas, thoughts, assumptions, facts, dreams, wonders and all… And there was Shiho.

" So you plan on lurking out Kid with a fan?"

" Fan girl to be exact."

" So from one glance at that white butt and you can tell it's lesbian?"

" Follow me please, it's not that hard! What I suggest is to have cute, shy but determined Shiho-chan send a letter filled with _pure_ adoration of the great thief and overflowing with happiness that he returned asking if maybe she can help or just meet with him… wait it won't add up…"

" Finally." Shiho exhaled and rubbed the bridge of her nose with a little more force than healthy.

" So maybe she just ask for an autograph. Yeah that works."

" Okay she get's it and then?"

" Next heist we go with cute little Shiho-chan out to the front row of the crowd waiving the autograph and shrieking that we would really love to have some coffee next Monday."

" Finished?"

" Not yet, try to follow, will ya'?! When Monday comes however the actress will retire from this fate-turning role and either moi, or Hattori or even Kudo will take her place to the date. Then we can investigate all date long then who knows… There, _le fin_."

" Rubbish."

" I have to agree on this one with Haibara"

" Oh come _on_ , not again! Last time you two agreed on something it took me hours to order the pizza!"

" It's okay Hattori, I know you did everything for this just cause…"

" I'm so sorry to see you fall so fast and sift. "

" When you two are done with your flirting – "

" It is pure flattery of one genius to another I admit"

" Oh my, now I'm flattered, you shouldn't have~"

" –I would point out that we really have no working nerve system for this. The idea would be good if the target would be a celebrity and not an international phantom thief which is you know cultivated term for 'nobody-knows-sh*t-about-him'. Then of course he acts as a celebrity… So maybe asking around the fans isn't such a horrible suggestion. However now it seems that if we wish to solve this quick Hakuba will be our latest update in the group. No question, no but, no objection."

" You say no but, yet it is clearly a butting cause that moved your vote in his favour…"

" . . . I don't even want to know what did you wish to say with that…"

" Great, good, happy reunion. Now that you decided to have your full house of kings with the boy-band feeling could you leave my room and my flat since opposed to you I have some real job that pays me real money and will kick me out for real if I'm late."

" Awww, no goodbye-kiss before work?" Kaito pouted and leaned closer to the blonde but Shinichi simply dragged him out the door by his shirt's collar.

* * *

\- I think I found the guy that was shot…

\- You mean?

\- When you described him I knew it was familiar, just the hair didn't fit. You know Kudo Shinichi right?

\- Murder Magnet? ( — . — )"

\- Yeah.

\- Who doesn't? But that wasn't him.

\- Yeah, figures… So turns out there's one more.

\- A twin? ( O . o )

\- Who knows. He's a magician, works under some idiotic stage name and was seen pretty much every week with Kudo. If you look up the net you will find horrendous amount of guess about their relation.

\- Any name?

\- Nope. Why?

\- I don't like the fact that he was shot at.

\- I know. What do you want to do?

\- Look into it. Why then, why him why, you know? ( ~ )

\- No?

\- You know, I'm super nervous and furious that someone tried to shoot him even if you caught that bullet, still don't know how ( p . p ) so I just want to make sure it was really 'random' and not connected to this.

\- Okay… I guess…

\- So any name or idea?

\- You don't planning on going up to him asking why he was shot?

\- . . . noooo of course not… ( ^ … ^ )"

\- * sigh. Okay here's his stage name and his performance ad. But they say it will be cancelled… Now that he gone back to Kudo again, people say he won't be preforming soon… or at all…

\- What's with him and Kudo?

\- ask the internet….

* * *

 _Hello and welcome again in this journey of a pure crack fanfic about mismatched roles and plot - holes all along the way. I gave up to write anything seriously good at all so just enjoy the randomness that university usually brings out from people.  
_

 _have a nice day :)_


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